An American in Jordan

You might have seen this one, as it has made it’s way across the internet and probably landed in your inbox like it did in mine.  Nevertheless, it gave me a little chuckle despite the stupid premise, so I’ll share it here.

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health.  It’s a relief to know the truth after all thos conflicting nutritional studies.

• The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
• The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
• The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
• The French drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
• The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

I like…

• Peeling large strips of wallpaper
• Athletes that cry with disappointment
• Seeing bullfighters gored on TV
• Popping bubble wrap

I dislike…

• Peeing next to someone else
• Pillow marks on my cheek in the morning
• Clinging, wet swimming trunks
• Puckered fingers in the bath
• Seeing men humiliated in front of their kids
• The words, “The fruit of thy womb”

What movie am I?

Shoebox blog has a funny little piece on ‘What Would Be Different If Gnomes Take Over The World’.

• everyone will be more beardy
• “Must be less than this tall to ride.”
• no pointy hats, no curly shoes, no service.
• state names legally changed to Gnebraska, Gnorth Dakota and and Gnevada.
• that “Short People” song will get even less air time
• airlines can offer first class legroom without changing a thing
• Smurficide. Lots and lots of Smurficide.

The other day, my son and my wife were at Mecca Mall when the following conversation came up:

SON: “Can I ask you something?”

WIFE: “Sure.”

SON: “Is it possible for a fly to go into your ear and into your head and eat your brain?”

WIFE: “No.”

SON: “Hmph. Ok, I’m all right then.”

After piles of complaints and even an official group and petition, Facebook finally decided to remove the mandatory “is” from the status notification. Victory!

So I guess I’ll have to leave the group, Remove The “Is” From The Facebook Status.