Virginity Restoration
Recently the Arab Observer posted on how hymenoplasty, a surgery that will restore the hymen in women who have been sexually active in order to “re-virginize” them, is becoming more popular in Sweden, particularly amongst minority groups. I have an opinion on the matter of “restoring one’s virginity”, but I admit that my ideas naturally comes with a slight bias as a result of my cultural upbringing. Nevertheless, I thought I would present it here in an attempt to find out what others think and to encourage a healthy dialogue on the subject.
While I was searching on the internet for other views, I came across an article entitled Sex, Lies, and Virginity Restoration by William Saletan. I found it interesting in the way he presented his views, so I’ve decided to quote some of the article here.
Virginity is under attack. Not real virginity, but fake virginity. The kind you can get by hiring a doctor to restore your hymen.
If you aren’t familiar with this procedure, known as hymenoplasty, you can read up on it in Human Nature’s previous reports. Its main customer base, by most accounts, is Muslim women whose families and fiances expect them, erroneously, to be sexually inexperienced. Today’s New York Times quotes one doctor who says he does the procedure two to four times a week. That’s 100 to 200 women per year in a single practice.
The latest outcry against it has erupted in France, where a court has annulled a Muslim marriage because the bride misrepresented herself as a virgin. Feminists, the country’s justice minister, and even the European Parliament are getting into the act. According to Tuesday’s Wall Street Journal, doctors who restore hymens are being accused of “reinforcing a gender bias” and “misleading family members of patients.” The chief ethicist of the International Federation of Gynecology and Obstetrics reports that “some physicians perform hymenoplasties on minors without the parental consent the law requires.”
The objections are correct. The virginity fetishism these women endure is sexist, hypocritical, and totally unrealistic. The pressure applied by families and communities to enforce it is obscene. One woman interviewed by the Times says her fiance’s family is insisting that she go to Morocco so a doctor of their choosing can inspect her for proof of virginity. Don’t even get me started on the mental sickness of insisting that your wife bleed on your wedding night. And to top it off, the procedure is a sham. Restoring your hymen doesn’t make you a virgin.
You and I can sit here all day rehearsing these complaints. And some day, God willing, the twisted culture of virginity hypocrisy will wither away. But until it does, hypocrisy is its own best remedy. Help these women deceive their husbands and parents. If they want artificial hymen restoration, let them have it.
I’m no fan of most cosmetic medicine. It’s a surrender to stupid social pressures. It’s superficial, unnecessary, and expensive. It perfectly expresses our insecurity and triviality. We should use technology to overcome tragic realities, not to alter stigmatized appearances.
But sometimes, a stigmatized appearance can become a tragic reality. That’s the paradox of virginity fetishism. The quality of your soul doesn’t matter. If you don’t have that bit of tissue between your legs, you’re garbage.
I realize that in an honor and shame-based culture, many times appearances are more respected than the truth of reality. Despite my knowledge of how such a society functions, however, a practice such as “virginity restoration” still continues to boggle my mind. Let’s forget for a moment the social and medical implications that have already been listed in the article above and let me ask the men, “Do you really want to start your marriage based on a lie?” In essence, if your new bride had a physical relationship in the past, would you rather know about it or have her lie to you and cover it up? She would have to carry that burden alone for life in hopes that you would never find out. And what if you do somehow find out later? What would that do to your pride and self-worth? Would that affect your love for your wife? And if you loved her so much in the first place, would your love not be able to overcome a multitude of sins as you consider marriage? Let me know what you think.